Sweta Patel
02/09/11
College Essay
One person who has influences me is my mom. My mom influences me because she has been through a strongly in life and she has made through it. That makes me happy because I am like my mom and that is what they need in New York University. My mom is a very nice and sophisticated person, as I said before I am like my mom so I am nice and sophisticated. My mom had to raise my sister when she had a money issue all alone and she did it. I may not be as brave as my mom is but I have the very important qualities my mom has. In New York University I hope to become a cardiologist and hope to cure people with heart disease. My mom works with medicine so I want to follow in her foot steps. She has made her work a remarkable place. My mom is a supervisor in Nexus DX and has made her working place better. She started as a labor worker and built herself up. I am so proud of my mom. I hope by seeing how I can make New York University a better place you will accept me into you college. Don't worry you will never regret it.
I really like this post. It is nice to see that you love your mom. But, since this is your college essay, I really think it should be a little longer. Also, do not put "Don't worry you will never regret it." It kind of looks like you are begging them to let you in to the college. All in all, really nice job on this post.
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